Love and Hate of a British Club Scene

The club scene has been romanticized throughout our culture. The promise of a new experience catches the eye of the beholder. Could it be the enchanting music? Maybe it’s the hypnotic atmosphere? Or is it the attraction of a one night stand? All these contributions are important factors. However, alcohol is the fuel that rushes adrenaline through your veins. Unfortunately, too much can lead to a burnout with terrible side effects. Clubbing manifests into a foreign language. The language is quite complex, but the trick is learning the correct translation. If you can’t interpret the information your lost in translation. In most cases, you’ll find unexpected “friends” within the “system.” In order to maintain your “friendship”, you must “fuel up” to become another individual: the individual mutated by external circumstance. This was a predicament I learned to avoid by “fuel” management. I’ve traveled to different countries during my military career. During the down time, I experienced a vast amount of the nightlife. From Korea to Prague, each country has a distinct nightlife, but England resonates with me. The British nightlife is primarily motivated by lust, pride, and gluttony. This is a daily routine and a lifestyle. It became adopted by us as well. The best way to relax after an unpredictable shift, disgruntled leadership or recall. Oh! The trials of Security Forces!

Once we entered the club, all our troubles were washed away. Our distorted view of salvation was behind the doors of our deviant church. The British are friendly towards Americans. Even though our culture and accents captivated them, we were captivated by their nightlife. Personality is a must within any club. The three main personalities are: drunk, douche and seductress. First, is the drunk. In England, the drunk was the most entertaining of the personalities. It is also the most bi-polar of the three. The drunk guzzles down copious amounts of alcohol. The alcohol would settle deep within the bowels then the transformation is complete. The accent is incredibly slurred, personal space is gone and everything is over dramatized. For example, the enduring love of America. This love is expressed through obscene expletives followed by British jargon, unexpected hugs and a kiss if you’re lucky. Occasionally, articles of clothing would disappear. The drunk has the innate ability to be “that guy (girl).” The vital character of the story who randomly appears then disappears. A drunken court jester for the drunken high society. Second, is the douche. The British douche is no different from the American douche. The main difference is this douche has an accent accompanied with a love for skinny jeans. He’s obnoxious, a player, a goon or whatever embodiment of male testosterone comes to mind. He doesn’t always look the part of a stereotypical douche. I’ve had an encounter with the scrawny version. This guy became a quick annoyance to my female friend. I intervened in the situation and he told me “Better step off me, bruv!” I had to admit his brick smashed face was intimidating. “Look she doesn’t want to talk you,” I said to him. In an immediate response, I pulled my friend along. Brick face was left in bewilderment. It’s better to outsmart the douche than be the douche. Lastly, is the seductress. I’ve witnessed many good men devoured by this maneater. I believe it’s the appeal of a foreign woman. She knows the appropriate tactics to use to capture the elusive American military man. She’ll make use of her sultry accent coupled by American slang. She’ll even maintain the charade until your either married or in a devote relationship. An intoxicatingly beautiful, charismatic, charming woman who puts a spell on any man. Yet, there is a fatal flaw. At our base, we had one of the only Popeye’s in England. Popeye’s was located close to the dorms. So, the starter question: “Have you been to Popeye’s?” If the answer is yes, I’m sorry for you. If the answer is no, I’ll recommend to proceed with caution.

An alluring party atmosphere creates vibes all around. Vibes become felt through constant stimulation; it simultaneously internal and external. Except it doesn’t work without the necessary catalyst. If you’ve recalled from the previous paragraph about fuel- Congratulations! Alcohol is what transformed Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. No other substance has the ability to transform human beings into monstrosities of loose inhibitions. My friend, Riv, was one individual with this ability. Whenever our crew went out, it was always possible to tell when Riv began his transformation. He reassured us he never was drunk or tipsy. This was proven wrong when he approached the dance floor. His small frame would shuffle through the mass sea of people to salsa dance with random women. Many women obliged to his proposal. It was impressive the offers he would gather afterwards. This example shows alcohol loosens inhibitions and management is a must. The downside happens when you’re out of control. There’s consequences for your degenerative actions. Either you become the annoying character in the retelling of last night or your head first vomiting in a toilet. It’s an instant endless struggle for dominance between your inner self. You’re stuck in the main personality of the drunk, but you’ve mutated into a ravenous monster. The aftermath is always scary because you can’t determine last night’s endeavor.

It’s a savage journey into the night, but we’ll try to embrace the hangover in the morning.


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