In the erratic year of our Lord, 2015, my eyes witnessed an event of semi-epic proportions: the Republican Primary Debate. An overcast of dread dominated my living room, and my cynicism began to tingle about one fact—diarrhea will flow out of the mouth of politicians.
This spectacle was held in the Quicken Loans Arena; millions sat with raging hard-ons for these candidates. Two of the unholy trinity—Fox News and Facebook—summoned the candidates on stage. The third, CNN, was too busy with documentaries. Fox News’ hosts opened by asking candidates if they would screw over the Republican Party by running as a third party if they weren’t the nominee. Trump Raised his hand to throat chop the Republican Party. He refused to support the Republican nominee for the presidency or to rule out a third party run. Hah! Nice job, Fox News! Way to put Trump in the spotlight, again! As the small bit of blood spilt in the water, one shark, Rand Paul, took the opportunity to attack Trump. Rand Paul stated Trump buys and sells politicians of all stripes. Hmm…Trump pimps out anyone for gain. That’s nothing new because he is a businessman. Trump took another jab from host Megyn Kelly on his past comment about women…wait…I know you’re smart, so I know you can predict the outcome of the incident. Truth be told, more Trump antics occurred throughout the debate: harsh, brash, and brutal.
Questions were dished out to all candidates and their answers slammed each question. As all the bum-rushing excitement boiled over, the audience craved for more. A battle began to stir amongst two candidates—Rand Paul v. Chris Christie. The question to ignite the fire was over national security and government surveillance to fight against terrorism. “I want to collect more records from terrorists, but less records from innocent Americans,” Paul said. “The Fourth Amendment was what we fought the Revolution over. I’m proud of standing for the Bill of Rights, and I will continue to stand for the Bill of Rights.” A quick lesson: The Bill of Rights are the first ten amendments to protect the people from an oppressive government; the Fourth Amendment prohibits unreasonable searches and seizures without a warrant supported by sufficient reason.
Anyways, Christie called out Paul’s statement as being ridiculous. Paul fired shots into Christie’s chest spelling out the phrase: “Use the Fourth Amendment. Get a warrant! Get a judge to sign!” Even though it was a direct hit, it was not very effective. Christie battled on. “Listen Senator, you know, when you’re sitting in a subcommittee just blowing hot air about this, you can say things like that. When you’re responsible for protecting the lives of the American people, then what you need to do is to make sure you use the system the way it’s supposed to work.” Paul reloaded then shot back stating Christie didn’t “fundamentally” understand the Bill of Rights. I disagree, Paul. All politicians have an understanding but tear up the Bill if it doesn’t appeal to them. They understand security yet screw over our liberty. At the end of the squabble, Christie evoked the spirits of 9/11 by recalling an intimate time with the families of the incident. Atta boy, Christie! Nothing like using a national tragedy to make yourself look good.
Another quip came from the voice of Marco Rubio. The hosts asked Rubio whether his experience qualified him to be President. It was a subtle rewording of the true question: “America has dealt with a first-term Senator as President. Are you going to screw up like him?” Rubio locked eyes then responded that he was responsible for a multibillion dollar budget of Florida. Rubio stabbed an unbeknownst Hillary Clinton. “If this election is a resume competition, then Hillary Clinton’s going to be the next president, because she’s been in office and in government longer than anybody else here tonight.” C’mon, Rubio. I think we all knew she pulled the strings behind the puppet named Bill Clinton. Basically, she served her term. She still has that email fiasco on her plate. Maybe she can call it a mistake like Bosnia?
He added: “If I’m our nominee, how is Hillary Clinton going to lecture me about living paycheck to paycheck? I was raised paycheck to paycheck. How is she going to lecture me about student loans? I owed over a hundred thousand dollars just four years ago. If I’m our nominee, we will be the party of the future.” Rubio hits with his “Cuban immigrant” upbringing story, which is an ace in the hole as a testimony of the American Dream. It’s a shame that cynicism killed the American Dream. The dream is actually a nightmare for some Americans.
Mike Huckabee managed to fling out a nice quote: “The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.” Huckabee is right. The military is used to show dominance, power, and force. What happens after their use? Those members are left in the hands of the VA (Veteran’s Affairs) to take care of them. The VA is a hit or miss with a lot vets. If you’re a current veteran or past veteran, you’re getting screwed by the VA like a cheap prostitute.
To sum the other candidates, Ted Cruz preached to be a face of truth (thanks, Captain America), Jeb Bush reminded me of a pleasant suburban neighbor, Ben Carson was too polite, and Walker…Walker…I forgot about him.
On a final note, Kasich showed he had heart. Kasich was asked how he would explain his opposition to gay marriage to a son or daughter who was gay or lesbian. “I just went to a wedding of a friend of mine who happens to be gay. Because somebody doesn’t think the way I do doesn’t mean that I can’t care about them or I can’t love them. So if one of my daughters happened to be that, of course I would love them and I would accept them. Because you know what? That’s what we’re taught when we have strong faith.” Kasich went on to say he would love his daughters “no matter what they do.” “Issues like that are planted to divide us. I think the simple fact of the matter is—and this is where I would agree with Jeb, and I’ve been saying it all along—we need to give everybody a chance, treat everybody with respect, and let them share in this great American dream that we have.” I admit that Kasich pulled the heart strings of the people; he even managed to captivate my attention. Nevertheless, heart can only go so far. The debate wasn’t bad, I guess. I still need to restore my nerve to stomach the Democratic debate. Out of the frying pan, into the fire.