Tag: emotions

Regret Isn’t that Bad…It Builds Character

i-regret-nothing

I regret the hangovers from the years of partying,

            I regret mornings with the faint taste of whiskey and tobacco on my tongue,

            I regret my cynicism passing pre-judgement on every soul that crosses my path,

            I regret laughing at the kid that fell. I don’t regret that because it was funny. It wasn’t me.

            I do regret my impulsive behavior leading to detrimental disaster;

            my regrets play on the seesaw of wisdom and folly.

            A life without regrets…

            My regrets show I lived, learned, and soldiered on.

Affliction in Addiction…The Fiend of Pleasure

addict

It’s an entity with a fetish for possession. You never know when it’ll creep into your body or linger within the depths of your soul. It’ll slowly suck the life out you without any regard for your personal being. Once it leaves you, you’re in a wake of the massive slaughter caused by your hands. A terrible experience for anyone to undergo, yet it happens. Ladies and gentlemen, this fiendish entity of devastation goes by the name of addiction.

People under the influence of addiction have no control. These individuals are broken down in a slave mindset that will unfortunately led them to ruin. The addiction causes them to reach a point of no return—a loaded gun to the head with their finger on the trigger. Addiction doesn’t necessary include the gluttonous desire for the physical, but abstract matters also come into play (yes, even social media network).

In the brain, dopamine regulates all pleasure. Dopamine is a chemical in the brain that plays a key role in the brain’s system of motivation. The chance of addiction is connected to the speed of released dopamine which is fueled by any addictive substance. When a substance exits the system, sadness creeps in and the only remedy is dopamine. Dopamine is the prime culprit in the internal workings of addiction.

Dopamine isn’t only a gateway to the euphoric experience, but it’s the central for learning and memory. If a drug produces a flow of dopamine, then the brain will understand that signal as a delightful reinforcement. Each repeat of the experience triggers the brain back into nostalgia. Once the brain is strolling down memory lane, emotions, feelings, and physical actions set the body in a forward motion. Repetitive exposure to addiction causes the neural wires to mutate desires into a necessity; this motivates us to pursue pleasure to the fullest.

Sadly, if the user succumbs to possession, the lust for bliss will never subside. Normalcy is extinct, motivation doesn’t function, and life stumbles to a halt. I’ve been under the influence of addiction: an immense nightlife drenched in whiskey. There’s something about the atmosphere; it engulfed my body beyond my will. Another change of scenery included a euphoric ecstasy to take me away on cloud nine. I was granted every carnal pleasure known to man. I couldn’t get enough of the blissful intoxication. I’ve managed to control myself these days, yet I still crave to be embraced by the arms of hedonism.

In the end, addicts never win.  Either bad choices are continuously made or we become brutish beasts driven by ravenous impulses. Addiction lies between freedom of choice and servile behavior. Consequences follow every action caused in life. We don’t always make the right decisions, and some of us are indecisive. Everyone isn’t a victim of “possession” nor a constant bungler of society. Acknowledgement to the underlying dualities of the human predicament sheds light on addiction. Even if we acknowledge our faults, sometimes, old habits die hard.

I’m a loose bolt of a complete machine…

Flaws and Scars of an Aimless Woman

Opportunity knocks at my front door; I don’t feel like answering. Another moment is gone and fades away becoming a distant memory. Silent nights conjure up the spirits of old memories for another haunting experience. They usually embody the form of a woman: a most intriguing creature still unknown to the mind of mortal men. I’ve had timeless encounters with different women during my overseas travels. Women of different ethnicities, personalities, and curves hypnotized me under their influence: it’s an intoxicating experience numbing all my senses. Majority of these women are products of the night that remain hidden from the rest of society. The reason is society would mark them sluts, harlots, or whores. Truth is you can’t judge a book by its cover. In the grimy and gritty gutters, I’ve met intriguing women whose souls burn with an intense flame. They don’t suffer from the put-ons and false faces shown in high society. No obscure poses. No deceitful tongues. It’s the night that brings out these type of women. Usually, the muck of the nightlife brings out false identities but beyond the muck lies diamonds in the rough. It’s the flaws of a woman that make them who they are. Women who let their loose inhibitions flow out them symbolize raw passion. Our culture tends to demand the perfect human: a test tube specimen conditioned for faultless existence. Everyone drags along baggage because we were born sick out our mother’s womb. So, here’s to the imperfect woman with scars and all. Here’s to her flaws, issues, and emotions. I’m forced to suffer with the dilemma of falling in love with these bewitching ladies just by opening my eyes. I hate having these feelings, yet I can’t let it go. You can quote me on it, and I’ll call you a liar. 

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Degenerate’s Dogma

Ever woke up to one of those days feeling like

God took a dump on you? 

An interesting description to describe either a massive hangover or a detrimental tragedy.

It’s that awkward moment when life happens all too quickly and your reaction is too slow.

Life conned you into “living.”

Life is full of experiences, but life is a manipulative bastard.

Many idioms describe the consequences we face from it-

“That’s life”

“Shit happens”

or “Just the way it is.”

Except if this were true, a heap of situations like: drunk nights, one night stands, close calls and mishaps were endangerments concocted by my own hands.

Certain methods are intricately woven into the madness within our lives yet there are other events of life out of our control.

No one is immune to pain and sorrow.

I agree with “shit happens” on that end.

There’s no map filled with geographical landmarks: the landmarks are replaced with trial and error. 

We’re all flawed individuals born into existence and made into “humans.”

I know I’m not the only one that ponders this situation or I could be.

We’re just trying to make it back home after that godforsaken night out

to a new morning.

We’re all too hard on ourselves but it’s that will to live that drives us all.

So, I raise my glass to all of you….

Outsiders-

Misfits-

Loners-

Rebels-

Deep-thinkers-

Drifters-

or anyone who knows life can be a bitch!

Cheers!

Drink up!

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen man, but I’m gonna get my kicks before the whole shithouse goes up in flames.”

-Jim Morrison

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